for nearly two years, i having been letting go of things a little at a time. then about a year ago i seriously started getting rid of clothes, shoes, papers and anything else that no longer fits the life i have now and the life i am coming into. yesterday, i trashed more than 20 seasonings that had long expired, leaving me with basically salt and pepper. today i cleared the walls in my bedroom. one of the walls in my bedroom served as my prayer wall for about two years. also, on that wall were three vision boards that were at least seven years old. fyi none of my vision boards manifested but 80 percent of my prayers were answered. i will take that. tomorrow i am getting rid of pots, pans and the two containers of xeroxed chapters, news articles and other xeroxed writings i compiled during grad school to write the thesis i never wrote.
twenty-one whole years ago, i departed Rutgers University wounded, depressed, and defeated. i swore for about five years i would write that thesis. i did not. any who, i am going to get rid of the remaining weight of not finishing 21 years ago. i am making room and creating space for me to continue to exist whole, complete, joyful and fierce. i am moving in my bold direction. the sense of urgency to not carry old things with me has become my intention every day. this vision i carry in me is coming to life. think me pregnant, if you will.
i do need my village to carry and birth this vision. please remind me that i am enough. remind me that faith holds the vision. remind me that God is for me. remind me that she who God calls God qualifies and who God qualifies God justifies. remind me that i have all that i need inside me. remind me to be bold and brave. remind me that God can do more than i can ask, think, or imagine. remind me that God is doing a new thing in me. remind me of my gifts, skills, scholarship, intellect, creativity, talents and blessings. remind me this is my joy and my purpose.
- i hope there will a birthing ceremony and celebration…for real though.
- i am getting rid of things and not be laboring the process trying to figure out where to take it or donate it. that in itself is freeing.
- i have lived in this apartment for 12 years. at the ten year mark i knew it was time to purge.
- i do not cook nearly as much as i once did. probably about seven years ago when my bestie moved to Rhode Island. (no hard feelings bestie.)
- in a month’s time i purchased a laptop, SUV, and phone. i’m-a-take all of this needing to happen one right after the other as a HUGE & BIG sign of moving upward and onward. awoman!
Each night before we go to bed, grandma shares with me plans for the next day. Part of our morning breakfast conversation is a review of where we are going and the time she wants to leave out. It is all good. I am happy to drive my grandmother to the places she wants to go. One of our traditions during the week of Thanksgiving is to go to ALL the discount stores.
My grandmother does not drive much these days because her vision is not so great. Over the past couple of years, she has been in a couple of bad accidents; her reflexes are not what they use to be. Consequently, she is terrified to drive. According to her, people drive as if they are the only ones on the road. About a year ago, my grandmother signed up to use the public mobility service to get to her appointments and the masjid on Friday’s for Jumu’ah. Turns out she enjoys the company of others and not being stressed all the way out by traffic and people who drive as if they are the only ones on the road.
Yesterday we went to Ross, TJMAXX, Kroger and Aldi’s. Today, I thought we were just going to the post of office to send back one of her many purchases from QVC and/or the HSN and CVS. However, grandma insisted we had to go to Marshall’s because it was directly across the street from CVS. I said, “I guess we are not waiting for mommy to arrive tomorrow to go to Marshall’s.” Grandma said, “We are going to a different Marshall’s tomorrow. We are going to another Marshall’s out by the airport.” (Should have known that.) And since we were out and all was going well we headed to her favorite Dollar Tree and Walmart. Both are in a busy shopping area with lots of traffic. She told me I could stay in the car while she went into Dollar Tree. Have mercy. Happily, I sat in the car and told her to take her sweet time. Her sweet time she did take. She came out beaming with delight.
Good People one day we are going to be anxious about driving or driving slower or making up driving moves. Because I have witnessed over the years my grandmother becoming frightened of doing ordinary things and sure she will not be able to keep up, I have become much more patient and forgiving. I know that I want strangers to extend kindness to her when she is taking too long to get her money out, put her things back in her purse so they can get to the next customer, pull out of a parking space and so on I wait patiently and with kindness. I have shared with you all before a courtesy I made up. Between the hours of 10 and 3 the road belongs to seniors. Do not blow your horn, switch lanes and go around them all fast, hiss, roll your eyes or make a fuss. Blowing your horn and making sudden moves agitates them and may cause an unnecessary accident. The other stuff just hurts their feelings.
We are safely back home. Grandma is content. She told me to tell you all that today she was at the mercy of me.
i am going to need y’all to follow my stories this week. my grandmother is the boss. she will let you know her being the boss is not up for discussion.
i asked grandma, “what were you cooking/ making back there.” (Thinking I was making conversation.)
She replies, “Don’t ask me what I made. You will eat whatever I made. I do not remember ever asking my mother what she was making.”
Thankfully, i am a faithful user of Black Jamaican Castor hair grease. my edges are intact.
Good People i know i have asked this question before and it was all good but not today. needless to say, i ate all my food, though i was satisfied before my plate was clean. i was not about to get the beat down for being disrespectful. Not today. In this part of the world, you eat everything that is prepared. Dare you not to and the comments and looks will commence.
Grandma is happy and now knocked out in recliner. Until tomorrow Good People, be well.