we set trends but we are not a trend

for more than two decades attention, conversation, money, advocacy efforts have focused on the plight of Black boys and men to the exclusion of Black girls and women. the entire time i have asked, “what about Black girls and women?” many a Black folk have shushed me and accused me of being hateful. that often repeated accusation and dismal of my valid question angered me and hurt me, but did not shut me up. matters concerning Black girls and women are my birthright and my inheritance. God purposed me to be a champion and advocate for Black girls and women. i was born with girl power and i inherited girl power that evolved into woman power. the spirit in which i speak for Black girls and women precedes formal learning, studying and trends. it is my belief that my birth story informs so much of my living.

i was born to this side of the living on April 14, 1972. i was born prematurely…before my time. my lungs were not fully developed; therefore, i required the support of a breathing machine. my mother was discharged from the hospital before me. my mother and father went home without me. i am not clear about how long i was in the hospital after my birth, just at some point my parents called to  see about me. at that time they were told that they could come to take me home. however, when they got there they were then told i was dead. my parents explained they received a phone call that they could come to take me home. turns out my chart was filed incorrectly. in 1972 the chances of premature baby with my condition were slim. apologies were made and my parents received their baby.

my synopsis is  1) i came before my time 2) my lungs were not fully developed therefore needed help to breathe/the struggle was real 3) it was assumed that i would likely not live;  my birth story resonates with many times in my life, but specifically i make the connection to my never ending attempts to have Black girls and women be considered and included. doing so is a struggle and often i feel like i cannot breathe… that forces are trying to suffocate me/ silence me so that i will be done already.  i figure technology was limited for premature babies in 1972. yet, i thrived. i lived. my soul knows about struggling, fighting and winning. thriving and winning is the part of my birth story that keeps me disrupting and interrupting bad habits and limited perspectives.

my undying commitment to the voices and experiences of Black girls and women was not and is not stimulated by trends in popular culture, public noise, what gets funding, air time etc. we indeed do set trends but we are not a trend to me. right now i am in my feelings about the number of people who are in just the past two years beginning to include the impact of violence in schools, families, and communities on  Black girls and now the looping of Black girls into all the conversation about the school to prison pipeline ( i do not like that choice of words to describe the injustices and harm done to Black and Brown children in America’s public schools. it assumes criminality of Black and Brown children and it does not call out blatant racist and classist mindsets.) so i had to get that out..back to my point. what has hurt and angered me the most is the refusal of too many Black women and men to tell the truth and be with the truth that exclusion of Black girls and  women too often begins in Black spaces. as i have said before Black people have done the most in attempting to silence, to dismiss and to marginalize my convictions regarding Black girls and women.  Y’ all i ain’t mad at you, but i am not fooling with you either. real talk.

know this when all the hashtags like #SayHerName, #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackGirlMagic, #BlackGirlsRock and such are no longer trending and some people are done with standing up for us, speaking up for us, dreaming for us, fighting for us, believing in us, loving on us i will continue the struggle that is my birthright and my inheritance. i will struggle to breathe. i will continue to be ahead of my time. i will beat the odds. i am here. we are here. i matter. we matter. #iloveBlackwomen


P.S. the hashtags i mention i have much respect for and i know for many of us they are not a trend but rather a community of sisterhood and pride. no disrespect or shade from me.


Filed under Uncategorized

shift happens

i did it again, but today is the last time. i tossed and turned in my bed all day. just got out of bed at 4:00. i woke up roughly 6:00 am. falling back to sleep was not an option. my mind nor body desired sleep. my mind would not cease with thoughts coming a mile a minute. i could not get comfortable find my spot. however, i refused to get up. i settled for being antsy. that does not make good sense. i watched two movies on nextflix. absolutely, refused to read one of many books. i was stuck on getting a couple more hours of good sleep, but sleep was nowhere in the atmosphere. in spite of what my mind and body were telling me,  i continued telling myself “you are not ready to start your day.” “wait.”  i am done. i know there was a long period of time i could lay in my bed all day in and out of sleep. that is no longer true. i am not there anymore and i am grateful. it has been my habit to stay in my bed and in my bedroom. for a few months now i have wanted to get out of my bed and out of my bedroom, but i do not  because i do not know what to do or how to be with a whole entire day. that is scary and overwhelming. i will figure out how to be with a whole entire day.

body of mine, please forgive me for ignoring your desire to get out of my bed. mind of mine, please forgive me for attempting to shut you down. God forgive me for again blatantly wasting time. i am grateful that depression, fears, and overwhelming all-consuming anxiety does not have a hold on me like it once had. i am thankful that i know the difference between me being lazy and procrastinating and being depressed. i will do better. i am choosing to face my fears and come out of my bedroom.

i stopped writing to go make myself a cup of ginger tea and this thought pops in my mind.

i have claimed i am in a season of harvest, new things, new thoughts, abundance and plenty, wealth, and financial growth and stability. this is true. this being true means getting up, getting out of bed, and out of my bedroom. God is waking me up and keeping me up. not getting up is a rejection of God’s abundance and harvest for me. thankful i made that connection. God, i am awake, alert and paying attention to the shift. indeed i do want the blessings you have for me.

i continue with writing but about other things. i thought i was done and then this happens.

so i thought i was done writing/praying/reflecting/praising and all that good stuff. i close my journal, go upstairs and boom the man by the pool in the book of John comes to mind. with that comes a reminder of a sermon/message i heard. i get my Bible and the notebook i used to take notes when i was going to a church for about six months. i believe the man by the pool comes to mind only because i acknowledged my behavior and asked forgiveness. God thank You for bringing this story back to mind and grounding me. thank You for the teaching of this lesson more than two years ago.

Jesus ask the invalid for thirty-eight years “Do you want to get well?” the man replied no one would help him. Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured. 

My notes from 9-23-2013 P.M. Smith Huber Memorial Church

“some were there out of habit they kept coming back…getting up was not on their mind. sickness had become wellness; normal. the man’s response to Jesus was really an excuse. same place…same time…same pain for 38 years. you can come to God like you are as you are, but you cannot stay like you are.”

1. Rise – don’t get stuck in your past

2.Take up your bed – take responsibility for your life

3.Walk – get away from here, stop hanging out here

All three points are spot on. i have the following posted at my door way and bedside my bed for more than a year now.

Joy Rising (borrowed that from Oprah.)

Get Up! now please.

Show UP! i care. it matters.

Write! no excuses.

Walk! my back feels better.

Manage My Money. it is my responsibility.

Manage My Time. it is precious

Read! i love it.

Perseverance. Persist. Persistence. Persisting.

I surrender my all to you gracious God.


getting out of my bed…getting out of my bedroom is me walking away/hanging out in my bed out of habit. i love my bedroom; it is my place of refuge. my secret place is there. (she who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.) the desire…the need to be in my bed and in my bedroom is less now. my soul is saying to me shift has happened…is happening. my bedroom will always be a quiet still refuge for me. i do not need to exist in that space as i have for a very long time. the relationship with my bed and my bedroom has changed. i am strong enough to come out and live outside of my bedroom. i can handle what is outside of my bed and my bedroom. i can look down the stairs and see that the sun is up and dare to go down the stairs versus getting back in my bed. i can. (i am feeling some anxiety.) i am not waiting for something or someone to bring me out. i can do it. i am awake and alert.

Back to John 5:1-15, P.M. Smith wrapped up his message with the following:

  • Rise is a command.
  • Do you want to be made whole…made well is a question.
  • Jesus responded with clear direction, bestowed hope, life, and liberty.

i am wrapping this sharing up with the following:

  • depression and anxiety are real. i take my happy pills every day, pray every day all day, and have done plenty of time on the couch.
  • i am a believer. i believe in God. i believe in the oneness of God. i do not want to mislead anyone in thinking i am Christian. Jesus, may the peace and blessings of God be upon him, is one of God’s gifts to humanity.
  • may this sharing help someone else. remember it was 9-23-2013 i heard the story of the man by the pool. it fully came back to me today. my soul more than two years ago began this shift. it is amazing when i can connect the dots.


Filed under Uncategorized


this february was not half bad. in fact, it might have been amazing. usually february  is one of the grayest months for me, but this february there were many the sun showed up. i noted many times in my journal that the sun was out and i was feeling good. i even managed to get up, get out of my bed and stay out of my bed most weekends during the month of february. (unheard of.) hallelujah! it is phenomenal to be at this point in the winter, a mild winter) and not be struggling with the woes of depression. hallelujah!

now time for the list i easily made this morning to affirm how great february 2016 was for me.

  • Ava DuVernay hearted one of my tweets and replied to my tweet to her!
  • Awesomely Luvvie liked my reply to her tweet and sent me a couple of tweets back!
  • white chocolate Reese’s pieces cup come out but once year. i got my year’s supply!
  • i sent out my save the date (details later)
  • frederick douglass  was featured on the google banner. (he and Ida B. Wells part in the hair was the truth.)
  • Dr. Carla Hayden has been nominated to head the Library of Congress! she will be the first woman and the first African American to oversee the 214 year old library.
  • Morgan State University’s  band, my Alma mater, performed at the White House!
  • Morgan State University received the largest individual donation from and AA couple!
  • Morgan State University received first ever full patent for new technology!
  • Gloria Ladson-Billings, Morgan State alumnae, is number 5 of 200 scholars recognized as most influential scholars in education. Linda Darling Hammond also came in the top ten!
  • Western Doves basketball team won the championship!
  • Maxwell is dropping a new album this summer (hush your mouth)
  • United Nations discussing reparations
  • i have a new snuggly
  • i was able to pay all my bills on time this month in full! my rent is paid!

how excellent!


Filed under Uncategorized