so many times-more times than i should have to admit-i have been in situations with a man who has caused me to feel violated and shamed. often, i thought i must have done something or did something for him to treat me in such a way. rarely, did i hold him accountable for behaving badly. very rarely did i “out him” and his male privilege. what if i/women just felt men up/groped their dick/asked them to lift their shirt or drop their pants so i/we could see their stuff? what if?
oops i did it again…damn
why did i let you put your hands on me, more specifically my thighs? why did i let you move your hands further up my thighs? why didn’t i scream or better yet break your fingers? why did i let you touch me in a way that made me feel cheap and dirty? why did i immediately feel like i deserved your disrespect for me and your violation of my personal public space? why didn’t i think you were being an asshole…a dick? what did i do this time, that i thought your feeling me up was my fault?
why did he think he could just touch my thighs and work his way up to touching my vagina? why did he do this in public without hesitation or fear? why did he insist that i let him touch my vagina and attempt to force open my legs so he could touch my vagina? why did he believe my vagina was his possession? why did he think because it was his birthday my thighs, my vagina, my body was his birthday gift?
why did i keep quiet?
4 responses to “oops i did it again…damn”
love it and so true
thank you, sharlimar. i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of silence in our history-as a mechanism for survival for african americans-and how it also has been eating away at our spirits.
silence is mechanism for survival as is memory. i want to move beyond survival into living and i want that for many different people, groups and individuals.
Girl, you said a mouthful there!